


and all this devotion was rushing out of me

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Series: PROMPT FILLS [10]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood Addiction, Episode: s02e04 Day of Wrath, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Making Up, Missing Scene, Protective Simon Lewis, if you're an izzy-stan you might not like this, the death of rizzy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-05 02:09:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11003778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: Caught up in the throes of addiction, Isabelle turns volatile.For Simon, protecting Raphael is pure instinct despite the darkness between them.





	1. day of wrath redux

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yoimwriting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoimwriting/gifts).



 

 

Raphael, who'd drilled self control into Simon's head every training session, was now an addict. 

His skin was clammy, eyes glassy and every movement took a tremendous amount of effort. It was a side of him Simon wasn't privy to, a fresh skeleton in a hidden closet. He wanted to scoop the clan leader up in his arms and shield him from everyone and everything that could harm him. Logically, Simon knew he was the matchstick that struck the box, he put Raphael on this downward spiral. He was being given a chance to give back. 

To the world at large, Raphael Santiago wasn't the princess locked away in a tower up high, waiting to be rescued.

But, seeing him like this, Simon wanted to be the one to save him.  

 

Livid and caught up in withdrawal, Isabelle lashed out at Raphael. She screamed and threw accusations, revealing a darker side. And Raphael? He stood there and took the abuse, too weak to even defend himself. When she stalked forward, heels clicking against DuMort's marbled floors, Simon lunged in front of the elder vampire protectively. 

"This isn't you Izzy," he said, holding his hands up and trying to defuse the situation. Behind him, Raphael sent a messy text to Magnus in regards to portaling her back to the Institute. 

"This is between Raphael and I. Not  _you,"_ she hissed, attempting to maneuver around him. 

He dodged her and blindly reached behind him, latching onto Raphael's hand. "It has everything to do with me." He glanced back at a worn down Raphael whose eyes still shined for him, despite the hell they'd barely survived. 

Isabelle put her hands on her hips and scoffed. "He wants  _me._ Oh, he didn't tell you about us?" 

Simon found out second hand and immediately felt as though someone were clenching a fist around his heart and  _squeezing._ After a drawn out common sense ~~lecture~~ talk from Magnus, Raphael's actions - every last one leading up to Isabelle - made sense. He stood at a crossroads: save Raphael or sever ties for good. The second was never really an option. 

"He didn't have to," Simon replied calmly. 

She outright laughed at him as if he should've ran the minute he found out. Anger built up in Simon, weeks and weeks of it. "He doesn't want you because you're a  _girl_ and this isn't good for either of you," he hissed. 

Isabelle took in their clasped hands and her dark eyes flashed.

Raphael squeezed Simon's hand and the younger vampire turned, seeing the question in Raphael's eyes. Simon gave him a tiny crooked smile to reassure him -  _Nothing you confess will ever make me love you less._

"You used me," Isabelle growled. As it turns out, you miss a lot when you're not lucid. Of course he wasn't straight, it should've been obvious. She felt like an absolute fool. "You told me you cared about me just to get what you wanted." 

It was then that Raphael stepped forward, standing directly in front of Simon and gripping the fledgling's hand until his fingers ached. " _I_ didn't ask for this. I was trying to  _help_ you," he hissed. 

"Congratulations! You did a bangup job," she spat vehemently. Simon's fangs dropped, the instinct to protect Raphael was no longer dormant. He'd never willingly hurt her but he could spook her. Possibly. It was worth a try. 

"Don't-" He began angrily, cut off by the sound of a whirling portal. 

 

 

Alec and Magnus gracefully exited (Simon still couldn't master such natural elegance) and flocked to her side. They took a minute to check her over and Raphael stepped back, taking Simon with him. 

Simon cupped the clan leader's cheek and pressed their foreheads together. Love and an almost primal need to  _protect_ flowed through him. "Are you okay?" He whispered. Raphael leaned into him and shook his head no. The silent reply cut through Simon like a knife. 

"Will you stay?" Raphael asked meekly. 

 "Yeah," Simon murmured, tilting his head to the side and capturing Raphael's lips in a tender kiss.

The hand on his cheek skimmed upward to burrow into the elder vampires hair, pulling him deeper into the kiss. Raphael's hands ghosted over Simon's spine and back up again, restless and touch starved. They got lost in one another, in the taste and feel of it, both chasing the others lips when they broke apart. 

Magnus looped an arm through Izzy's and steered her away from the scene. She didn't seem as bothered about the romantic aspect as he would've thought. Mostly she ranted about being used and needing  _'Just one more time. Please.'_ Alec stoically wrapped an arm around her waist and followed his boyfriend to the portal.

Recovery was going to be painful but she had a family who loved her and devoted friends who would look after her. As for Raphael, he had Simon and the clan back. 

Magnus could see it in the way they clung to one another; this was it for them. 

 

 


	2. love cries out in the darkest night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recovery - a sequel
> 
> (POV Raphael - 2nd person)

 

 

In the days following the incident, you pant and tremble within Simon's arms.

He's lean muscle and earthy sweetness to Isabelle's floral perfume and curves and you're addicted. You crave him down to the marrow of your bones and every veined pathway. You'll never quit him; this sunshine boy with his fingers in your hair. 

Isabelle though.

Isabelle was a lustful drug that clouded your judgement and pushed you back into that grave; back to a time you once painstakingly clawed your way out of. Simon is a throbbing pulse and a Spanish lullaby hummed against your temple when you wake with damp cheeks. 

* * *

 

 

One night in particular, you're mumbling aloud in a fevered state and he rushes in from the other room.

His voice comes in echo's as he folds a wet washcloth and carefully places it on your forehead. The space between his brows crease as he fusses, reminding you of a mother you lost long ago. When he moves to adjust your blanket, you pull him down on top of your aching body and hold  _him_ as everything hits at once. He bottles everything within himself but you see it, you know. 

He shakes and sobs, lips murmuring apologies against your neck. He could throw every dagger you own at your heart and you'd still welcome him with open arms, apology or no. Love as a verb; a constant act of forgiveness and the touch of his skin. You press your fingers against his cheeks and kiss him for the first time since he came home. He responds with a small longing noise that sounds a lot like your name and kisses back, slow and so  _tender._  

"I love you," he sighs, breathing the words into your mouth.

You don't deserve redemption. You're God's own dark cloud but surely He must've forgiven you; why else would Simon Lewis choose to love  _you?_  Forgive me, you'd begged at your lowest point and received love in return. You kiss along the side of his throat and murmur the words back at him. When your fangs graze his pulse, he shudders and pleads -  _Please. Need you._

You break the skin and he becomes a litany of  _I love you_ and  _Yours, I'm yours._ It's beautiful, he's beautiful. The taste of him on your tongue is electric and hot. It flows and wakes you up inside, filling the gaps Isabelle left in her wake. His hands are everywhere and you slid yours under his shirt to splay over his heart. You have a home there - within the caverns of his chest and the thrumming rush of blood.

When you've had your fill, you kiss each puncture wound and arch your neck back, giving yourself to him.

You may never feel the need for sex and he takes you as you are. He doesn't force your teeth on his body or make the world feel off kilter. He just _is._ You exist and somehow it's enough for him.

 _"Te amo mi cielito,"_ you whisper, hands tracing the notches of his spine.

He falls asleep in your arms and you rest for the first time since he walked away. 

* * *

 

 

You're three weeks out from the bloodlust and subsequent fallout. Nightmares have given way to soothing dreams and you no longer flinch in your sleep. It helps that his side of the bed is no longer vacant. Rather, the sofa is empty and he is here.

You turn on your side in bed and trace the shadows of his lashes with sleep bleary eyes. You never want to relive those days of waking up and remembering you lost him when your hand met a cold pillow on his side of the bed. You didn't lose him once, no. You lost him every morning as you crawled into an empty bed and every time someone mentioned his name, not knowing how much it hurt. 

Each one was a growing shadow in the corner he painted you into. 

But he's here now and shuffling closer to throw an arm over your waist. "I missed you," you whisper. He mumbles in his sleep and you imagine thousands of mornings just like this. 

* * *

 

 

Six weeks later, Isabelle, Magnus and Alec visit. 

Her skin has a healthy sheen to it and her red lips curl into a smile as you enter the room with Simon's hand intertwined. Magnus (who'd been keeping tabs this entire time like a worried father) embraces both of you and Alec nods in greeting. 

He will always carry lingering distrust for you but it's not the end of the world. 

"I'm sorry," Isabelle says, smile slowly dissipating into a more somber expression. 

Before Simon, you would've held a grudge against her and the shadowhunters in general for her part in tearing you down. You should and do hold her accountable but there is room for forgiveness, you suppose. You're your mother's son with a heart of tarnished gold and God has given back what was taken. 

You tug Simon closer for support and smile politely. "Thank you," you reply, meaning it. 

Her eyes drop to your clasped hands (the past repeats) but this time, she doesn't mock your devotion. Instead, she kisses your cheek lightly and steps back. There's nothing romantic about it, rather it's acknowledging wrongdoing without having to say it.  

"For what it's worth," she begins. "You look good together."  

Magnus beams, proud as punch. More than anyone, he knows how important love is to someone who will never again know the touch of death. Not only that but he's aware of how difficult the battle to overcome your addiction was but you made it just as he said you would. 

"Yes," he replies as he reaches for Alec, "They do." 

They leave shortly thereafter and you take Simon by the hand. He asks where the two of you are going and you push open a heavy door to the rooftop, smiling all the while. 

"To the stars," you murmur. 

He blushes and laughs at your cheesy line at the same time and you love him.

 

_You love him._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really love writing in 2nd person POV and I hope this was good?? I had it saved as a long winded sequel and since there was a request, I went ahead and published. 
> 
> I've lost the longer draft for the 1st chapter (( frustrated noises )) that I'd planned on posting :-/ 
> 
> also there's a hint of raphael's asexuality in this as I wanted simon to accept him, knowing that about him. when raphael kisses him and they drink from one another, simon doesn't push for anything more and it means the world to raphael to feel safe and accepted. hopefully I did ace rep right? ❤
> 
> title: all this and heaven too  
> artist: florence and the machine

**Author's Note:**

> yes I realize they're both addicted.  
> yes I realize raphael isn't without blame.  
> yes I realize addiction changes a person for the worst. 
> 
> that's what this story is about - getting to the root of the problem and having someone to fall back on when rock bottom becomes your normal. I don't hate izzy. I just don't like her actions in s2 and I hate that they ruined her characterization. 
> 
> title: never let me go  
> artist: florence and the machine 
> 
>  
> 
> I've rewritten this like 5x and it's still crap. I'm sorry :/


End file.
